Badlees

i had a brother once

he drowned in a bathtub before he had ever learned how to talk

and i don't know what his name was but my mother does

i heard her say it once, padriac my prince i have all but died from the 

sheer weight of my shame. you cried but no one came and the water filled your 

tiny lungs. appear, my dear, and cry for me. it was six years ago today that 

i laid you in your grave, your sweet young skin was shining then too. 

and so tonight to celebrate i will poison myself.

another coughing, shaking fit in a bathroom that is spinning.

so i close the door and i rest my head on the tile floor, 

sickness and sleep turning me cold.

and i am still not sure, is there some better place i could be heading towards?

where the selfishly sick and self absorbed are welcome. 

i saw the future once.

i was drunk in a phone booth.

my eyes were wet and red but i could not tell what was said

and through the screams of the traffic voices carried saying

i am sorry

on a day so gray its black inside

watching churches on tv

in a coma you don't dream you just hope that someone sits with you

babies turn blue when they are ignored like the sky on summer days

before you turn and walk away it has changed you

so tonight to compensate i will poison myself

another coughing, shaking fit in a bathroom that is spinning.